Breaking Habit
by feelingindividualist
Summary: I suppose this is semi- AU. After the recent episodes and news the show is ending, I decided I wanted Alicia to be free. Here is a story where she follows all of her impulses. M rating to come ...
1. Chapter 1

Characters are not my own. None of this is planned, just writing for fun. I love Alicia and I want to see where I can take her ;)

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It had been nearly thirty minutes since Jason's departure and yet Alicia could still feel his prickled kiss on her lips. She smirked slyly to herself knowing that what she had done was rather impulsive by kissing him the other day and just now having invited him over, out of the blue, for some excitement. She noted that her actions have been become increasingly more impulsive of late. It would worry her if perhaps she thought there was anything left in her life to lose. Knowing this was not the case, she let her smirk grow into a smile and then a wide-mouthed laugh. Who could have ever expected such a thing? Since her rather open admission of hopelessness to Luca she had taken the fuck-it route all the way. She was thankful that she purged those emotions, the ones that had sat deep within her like toxic lead in her stomach. She couldn't cry about it anymore, as it did not feel like it was really any use.

As she poured her second glass of red wine that evening, Alicia considered the many disappointments in her life. She did not think on this with disdain though, merely matter-of-fact observation. Peter was a fine husband when he was capable, but that was rare. His countless marital indiscretions were more tiring and ridiculous than anything else. She could no longer be furious with him because frankly she admired his ability to do whatever he wanted. She so yearned to be in a place where she could look back on her life and see that she had not felt so controlled by duty and obligation.

Will was the love of her life and yet he was taken from her by gunfire. Their love was something she could never regret, but it was not a love of reality. Her children, though intelligent and independent could never be capable of seeing her truthfully in her whole human existence. In some way, she would always be saint, mother, wife, caretaker. These adjectives were the most disappointing of all. Her desire to rebel was beginning to feel long-overdue as if she was finally reaching teenage-hood after all these years. It was never the right time for Alicia to be the one who took risks, who thought of only herself, who did what she wanted despite how it could affect others.

As she sipped from her glass, she wanted let her mind wander to her wildest fantasies. If she had no responsibilities, where would she go? What would she do? Beaches, she laughed to herself. Alone on a beach, far away.

The thought of staying in her apartment, drinking endless bottles of wine and waiting for cases to appear from thin air, just so she could have something to keep her busy, felt entirely stifling. This was not her life. This could not be where she had ended up, after years of being a good person, an intelligent person. She thought on Grace now and how she would say God brought her to this point for a reason. Alicia, now one glass happier, indulged the thought. _I am here, now drinking this glass of wine and reviewing my life for what reason? What can I do from this point, what are my options…_

Alicia carefully considered the main events occurring in her life. Partnership with Luca… which was reasonable, but not thrilling like it usually would be at Lockhart&Gardiner. Her children were off at college now, and they, frankly, didn't need her. Peter had just lost the presidency, not like anyone believed he would actually get very far.

 _Peter could never be president,_ Alicia laughed once again to herself. The thought seemed unavoidably insane to her. _Who could imagine that man running this country? Who could imagine me being at his side for four more years, smiling… waving… playing some sick part that I have no fucking interest in…_

Now, she really couldn't stop her laughter, the glass in her hand was nearing its emptiness. She saw herself in all white, with a small american flag pinned over her heart, smiling and shaking thousands of strangers' hands. Standing in the freezing cold on inauguration day, listening to words about God blessing their country and Peter, and how they must vow before God to uphold the best interest of America. It was jarringly ludicrous! She became surprised now by the sheer volume of her laughter, but was unable to stop herself. Placing her hand over her mouth, she felt tears hit her knuckles. She could not be sure if they were from laughter or desperation. This wasn't her life, not this. Not this sitting here with nothing to do besides drink, waiting for any excitement to slap her in the face.

 _Why am I still here,_ she wondered. The thoughts of suicide no longer plagued her mind, but simply thoughts of retreating. More than anything, Alicia wanted to be impulsive. She wanted to take big risks. She wanted to think only of herself. The pace of her heart quickened as she came to a realization that if she did not do something, there would continue to be nothing to live for, and she would grow old feeling regretful about the many years she spent avoiding her deepest desires.

"Fuck it," she heard herself say aloud. With that, she slipped her shoes and coat on and departed her apartment in search of something which intrigued her curious rebellion. First, she was going to sleep with two men in one day and later that evening, she planned to purchase a plane ticket to somewhere warm. Her responsibilities would have to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! Here's the next bit, hope you enjoy!

As Alicia stood poised before the large oak door in front of her, wine buzz still ringing through her mind, she did not think on anything besides this moment. Briefly, she pondered what it would feel like, knowing she had taken this risk and how sweet it would truly be to have conquered someone she had not yet dared to enjoy. Raising her knuckles to the door, she felt sharp crack of wood after each knock. She did not have to wait long before seeing the person on the other side with his usual half-smile.

"Alicia, what a surprise," Finn looked rather pleased to see her standing opposite him, "Come in, won't you?"

A little amazed Finn had not asked her why she was here in the first place, Alicia chalked it up to the universe rewarding her for doing what she wanted. _Everything is going to go as I want this evening_ , she thought to herself with a coy smile. She turned to observe Finn as he turned, shut and locked the door behind him. Admiring the way his long arms moved in his evening loungewear.

"Care for a drink?" He asked turning to face her. She could see that he had also consumed one or two before this encounter and she was glad for it. Intoxicated, impulsive sex was always best.

"Got scotch?" is all she said in return.

Watching as he gave a brief nod and passed by her body, feeling the heat from his torso fly past her. She followed him into the kitchen and then to his study. They sat opposite each other in leather-clad arm chairs, each one holding a glass of scotch. Alicia noted that Finn had brought the bottle and she was glad. They didn't speak for a while, but sat quietly sipping scotch. Alicia knew that the two glasses of wine did not make her the safest driver and knowing her previous troubles with intoxicated driving, she resolved that she would under no circumstances by driving home this evening. She had no intention of leaving this apartment before dawn, in fact. Eyeing Finn over the edge of her glass, she saw some of the same frustration in his eyes that she had been experiencing earlier this day.

"Spill," she said softly. His eyes locked with hers and he knew that she sensed unrest within him.

"Oh, you know, lawyer stuff," He began to deflect, but decided it was best to tell someone and Alicia was always a good… something. Not a friend.

"Do you ever get the feeling that everything you were working toward your entire life was pointless? I argue my cases and I leave, wondering for what reason I have spent all this time and effort. Doesn't bring me much joy," Finn shrugs his shoulders and looks solidly at Alicia. He did not know why she had come to him this evening, but seeing the look on her face now, one scotch in, he had an idea.

"I don't mean to be a grump," He said standing up and pouring himself and Alicia their second scotches without asking, "this is just been a rough few months," he looked at once again, now standing nearer to her chair, "for you also."

There isn't a note of question in his voice. They have always been like this, able to say very little and know implicitly what the other was experiencing. Alicia liked these kinds of relationships best. When one's work consists of endless communication, whether it be written or spoken, one relished the evenings spent simply in the company of another person without the need to open mouths. Finn was leaning against the corner of his desk now, a mere foot and a half from the cross of Alicia's legs. They continued to look at each other now, not speaking, not drinking, waiting for the other to make a move. Throwing back the rest of her scotch, Alicia scooted herself to the edge of the leather seat and placed a open palm on Finn's left thigh. Her hooded eyes looking up at him. She squeezed his thigh lightly and began to stand up, only to feel Finn's wide palms pushing her shoulders down so she remained seated.

"Alicia," he spoke softly as they had a stand off, both keeping their hands on each other's respective bodies, wanting to keep control. His body towered over hers now, so much larger than she, looming down at her. The pressure on her shoulders gave her a thick rush of adrenaline. Now his palms moved up her neck and their faces crashed into a kiss. Hands roamed from her face all the way down her neck and backside until she felt them scoop under her bottom. All at once, she was being lifted and their positions switched. Finn sat with Alicia straddling him, their arms tangled and still connected at the mouth.

Pulling away from him briefly, Alicia looked into his kind eyes and spoke, "I've wanted this for a long time."

Before letting him respond, she sealed their mouths together once again. Her whole body flooded with warmth as she felt one of his hands trail through her hair and the other squeeze her waist. She placed kisses across the side of his face and down his neck. Alicia could not keep from smiling as she congratulated herself in her mind and she imagined the many possibilities now that she has started to let herself be truly free. Her hands venture to his sides, removing his soft dark blue t-shirt with swiftness. Continuing her kisses as far down as her body would allow without removing herself from his lap, she can feel her heart begin to beat with rapidity now. Their bodies remove connection for the briefest of moments so Finn could remove her top as well and within an instant their mouths have found each other again. Underneath her skirt, she can feel Finn's pressing need against her and the victorious feeling of being a desirable woman to anyone she may want floods through her like a drink more intoxicating than the scotch.

Grinding her body against his, she knows there will be no foreplay tonight. Their hands ripping through each other with growing intensity, she felt ferocious and hungry. His lips pressing into her with a similarly intense need, she trails her hands to his pants and removes his hard dick. Swift as she can, she stands and removes the bottom half of her outfit. Finn's hands grip her ass and bring her body back down to his. They join in the middle and Alicia's body begins to ride his with feverish intensity. The orgasm they share is intense, but the feeling of freedom coursing through Alicia's veins is what truly sends her over the edge and into bliss. The smile on her face does not begin to fade for a very long time.


End file.
